8 Lessons to learn from: HISSS

Do you like movies that make you think and reflect on what you learnt from them?
I do. For those who missed it (about 100% of the civilized world), here is the summary of the magnum opus we know as Hisss.

1. Cancer is routinely curable. All you need is to extract a jewel from a cobra. Yes, cobras have jewels. The cobra has to be female, though. Yeah, male cobra jewels don’t cure cancer. They cure AIDS.
2. Snakes are familiar with the concept of kidnap and ransom.
3. MS Paint is the best way to make great 20th century movie graphics. Especially when it recreates already existing designs like Angelina Jolie’s poorly Photoshopped snake-woman costume from Beowulf.
4. Female cobras tracking down kidnapped snakeboyfriends are possessed by a sense of justice that makes them find and gruesomely kill men who mistreat women. Anywhere. In fact, they might spend all their time doing that, and forget about the snakeboyfriend till the end of the movie.
5. Female cobras have several superpowers: that of owning ridiculous jewellery (like Bappi Lahiri), that of changing into women (like Bobby Darling), that of not wearing clothes (like Salman Khan), that of accidentally running into evil people who need killing (like Superman) and that of making people scream (like Maria Sharapova).
6. When police find that an American has kidnapped a snake and the snake’s girlfriend is out for revenge, they raise an eyebrow, scream a bit and go about their business. Nothing ever perturbs them. They are Zen.
7. Julian Lennon composed music for the film. Now we know, John Lennon wasn’t assassinated. He shot himself in disgrace.
8. No matter who directs the movie, whether it’s a Bollywood or Hollywood movie, or what year it is, a naagin movie is guaranteed to put you to sleep in less than 5 seconds.