Photo Bomb

It's happened to you before. A friend/ relative to you has just been on an amazing holiday you weren't on. He/ she then proceeds to show you 2000 photos of the holiday and explain each of them in detail. All the photos are almost the same, with minimal lighting differences. You have to show interest in the photos, otherwise your friend/ relative will be pissed.

This happened to me yesterday. Since I'm the Man, I did something revolutionary that ensured that particular friend will never ever show me any photos again. Here's what I did. Since I don't have the photos (I was kind of thrown out of the house), I've redrawn them in MS Paint. Also, only the things I said are reproduced here; the answers would have to be censored.

Photo 1: Generic shot of 4 people in front of some hills

(What I said, in order)

• What a nice picture!
• I like the hills in the background.
• What makes hills blue? They are actually brown, aren't they? At what distance does a hill turn from brown to blue? Will the same thing happen to my eyes at some distance? I've always wanted blue eyes.
• The hills are not as blue as some other hills I've seen. I think the hill station you went to was a low quality one. How much did it cost to go there?
• Who is the person on the right? Why does he look sad? What's his family history? Is there a history of insanity in the family? What's his uncle's driver's name?
• I can see a face in the sky behind you, can you see it? Can't you? It's perfectly obvious.
• Which one of the four people is you?

Photo 2: Generic shot of a sunset

(What I said, in order)

• Is that an egg on blood? Oh, it's the sun! Sorry.
• Did you use all the colours in Photoshop, or only 30,000 of them?
• Why is there a line on the horizon? Who draws it? Is it an eclipse caused by a very long and thin moon? How many such moons are there?
• I've never seen such a boring sunset.
• Why aren't there any birds in your photo?
• I feel anxious looking at the photo. Why is the sunset all red? I remember when I was young sunsets were always yellow. I think it's a sign of 2012 and the end of the world. One day the sun will go down and never come back up again.

Photo 3: Generic close-up shot of a samosa

(What I said, in order)

• Is that a yellow tent? Oh, it's a close up?
• I feel hungry just looking at it - can you go down to a shop and buy samosas for me? I'll just have six to start with,
• Did you eat this samosa?
• No, nothing. It's just...
• No, really, nothing.
• OK, so it's just that I can see a small worm in the samosa. It's OK. 
• It's OK. It proves how good your photography skills are. The detail is so good that you could even capture the worm. Your camera is better than a human eye - you can't see the worm but your camera can. I can because I have very keen eyesight.
• Did you have acute stomach problems after eating the samosa? No? That's bad.
• Basically, if it didn't do anything to your stomach, it's probably a tapeworm. It'll be a foot by now. By March it'll be three feet. Isn't that cool?
• What were you saying about the photo again? Best samosas in North India? 

Photo 4: Generic close-up shot of a young, poor boy not wearing a shirt

(What I said, in order)

• So you're working in porn now?
• Oh, you were inspired by Slumdog Millionaire? OK.
• Look at his teeth. Do you think he uses toothpaste? I do, but his teeth are whiter than mine. Did you ask him his dental hygiene plan?
• Why didn't you? I want to know. Can you go back and find out? It's important.
• Oh, I just realized something.
• Nothing much, let's stop talking about this. It's silly.
• OK, then. So my theory is that he is like the Dalai Lama. The soul of Salman Khan has entered into him. That's why he isn't wearing a shirt. He is Salman Khan reborn. Soon he'll be driving on pavements...

This was when I was thrown out of the house.

This is the beginning of a revolution. I have taught you how to never be bored by photos again.